The person hidden behind these letters has experienced the world of broken hearts in all its facets. From having been sent to the “friend-zone” to having been replaced by another one. Therefore, I consider that all this ‘interpersonal exchange’ that I have experienced in the world of loving, relationships – or whatever you want to call it – gave me the knowledge to talk about something that could be your ‘life jacket’ if you are experiencing a love breakup, or simply your “situationship” has not been defined.
The others
One day, doing my therapy session with my psychologist, we were talking about how uncomfortable was for me the presence of certain people in my life, and as an assignment to understand what my reality was trying to show me through those people, she made me watch a video on YouTube that talked about the importance of others in our lives.
That video made me reflect about how “the others” give meaning to our lives. That without “the other” there is nothing to contrast ourselves with. We need the gaze of others to be able to see ourselves, because it is through “others” that we can differentiate ourselves or being similar. The other is not something that only exists, but it is something that questions ourselves, and forces us to respond (Flores, 2021).
The others are mirrors
During my “personal discovery process”, I learned about “The Law of Mirroring“, and how it allows us to understand the meaning of the people around us in our lives. For example, everything that you admire or like about someone is within you or represents that potential that you have inside you. Which indicates that you can also become like that person, because there is ‘something’ inside you – a code – that makes you feel magnetism towards those qualities that you see in that person.
On the other hand – and I know you are not going to like this – those things that bother you greatly about someone are also yours, or it’s related to something you need to solve – you just haven’t become aware of it. These people play a very important role in your life: “being the mirror of those things you need to improve, so that your inner being evolves” – and believe me, when those persons leave your life, it is because they have already fulfilled their goal of showing you what you had to see or learn.
And likewise, it is how it happens in love relationships. We always feel attracted to those people in whom we see our reflection: our beauty and the qualities of our own personality – we are just very “asleep” to be aware of it, and there is when we ended up “idealizing” them. And likewise, when the relationship ends, or we feel that the person “broke our heart”, what they are really doing is showing us those things we need to work on in ourselves – even if it was an abusive relationship.
He was a mirror
And here I am going to tell you a very personal story…
A couple of years ago I met a person with whom I fell deeply in love. I always saw him as “the ideal one” in terms of his way of being – his qualities, his personality – in short, I thought “we were mean to be”. So, I came to think that – perhaps – “he was the love of my life”. But, due to life reasons, things never happened, the relationship we tried to create never matched, and contrary, I kept myself in the comings and goings of a “situationship”.
On several occasions I distanced myself from him because I was more disappointed than happy with our “situationship”. I maintained my “zero contact”, and I did everything that therapists recommend to do when you need to “get rid of someone”: Being focus on yourself. I was doing my therapy, started writing my emotions and feelings, and began doing those things I always wanted to do – filling “the gardens of my life”. However, he was still present in my head, and in several times, I missed him to the point of being in tears feeling guilty for how things had ended up.
Until one day, I realized that so much emotionality wasn’t doing any good to my life, so I decided to do everything possible to put “an end” to my emotional situation with him. I started by evaluating why he was still so present in my life? what did these feelings towards him, mean to me? And connecting very deeply with my emotions, I brought to my head what “The Law of Mirroring” say about ‘the others’ in our life.
I did the exercise of reflecting myself on him, of seeing what were all those beautiful things that I saw in him that I wasn’t seeing in myself. I began to reflect on the ‘idealized idea’ that I had created in my head about him, realizing that all what he meant to me, was really me; that my magnetism towards him – that strong connection that I felt there was between us – were all those qualities of me that – from the lenses of my reality – I was seeing in him. That’s how we love people!
The awareness
Making conscious of it, allowed me to realize that everything I thought he was, didn’t really belong to him, but belonged to me. That I was “the wonderful person”, not him; and with it, I also reflected that I was “the true love of my life”. From then on, I focused on everything that was him, like that relationship that he didn’t want to build with me, or his “eternal silence” – disappearing – every time something upset him and then came back after weeks as if nothing had happened – maybe he wasn’t ‘that great’.
Since there, I started seeing the people I’m attracted to differently. I began to understand that every “attractiveness” or “prettiness” I see in them – personality and physical appearance – it’s really mine, that I am the one who is reflecting in them. And it doesn’t apply only to romantic relationships, it applies in all our interpersonal relationships.
Always keep in mind that people come into your life with a purpose, “the purpose of reflecting you”: to show you what you are, but that you are not aware of it – whether positive or negative. The next time you fall in love with someone, feel admiration for someone, or you just can’t stand a person, ask yourself: what is this person reflecting in your life? When you apply this “Law of Mirroring” in your personal relationships, life becomes “easier”, more interesting and bearable – it’s like being in permanent therapy – because you stop idealizing or victimizing yourself, to see others as “peers” who are there to teach you something.
And what about those ones who do not generate anything on us? – They neither make us uncomfortable, nor do we like them – just leave them still. Clearly if they do not generate anything to you, they are not reflecting you. They are simply part of your social universe.
Did you like this post? Did it help you get out of the Matrix? I hope so! And if you would like to continue reading more content like this, remember to subscribe!
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